Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
