You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
