my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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