Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
