im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
