My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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