and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
