he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
