...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
