pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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