made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
