Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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