I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
