Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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