matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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