i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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