i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
