my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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