dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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