he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
