"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
