At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
