***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
