I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
