somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
