I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
