this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
