I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
