ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
