i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
