That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize