so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
