hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
