"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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