i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
