I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
