you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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