Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
