a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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