hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I looked at my own cervix.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
