My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
