Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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