I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
