How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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