a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no, he came in my armpit
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
