Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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