Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
