Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
