I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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