this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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