dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
