i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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