mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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