i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
how drunk are you?
Several
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
