the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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