That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
