there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
