At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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