come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ugly people sure do ruin things
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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