I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
