He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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