I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
