He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
