i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
