I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
