I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
