I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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