How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
