I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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