Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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