There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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