I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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