Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
