About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
