K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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