Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
