Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
