Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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