She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I am morally bankrupt
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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