I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
