I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
