Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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