jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
