I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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