we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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