Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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