That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
