Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
