just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize