I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize