Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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