i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
