Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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