I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
