there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
