We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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