i just had sex bonerless
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize