I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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