Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
