I'm going to jail i love you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
