conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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