can u get pink eye on your cock?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
