I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
