He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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