Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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