Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
