i will never coherently bang her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
