You made me cry and you don't even care
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
