We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
