Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
